Not often do you hear words from you child that truly make you want to cry. Words that cut through you like a knife. Recently Max has been testing me and Scott to our limits and it normally ends up in either tears, being sent to time out or Max saying those words "Mummy, I hate you" as he looks right at me.
That's not to say that I probably don't deserve it at times. I mean for every time he gets a treat, has a fantastic day or does something amazing at school; there is an equal amount of him pushing buttons, trying to get a negative reaction and baiting me to tell him off. I raise my voice and snap at him, tell him to go to his room and lock myself behind the bathroom door to get a moments peace.
No one said that being a mother was easy. I know first hand how hard it is to raise a kid that pushes buttons, hell my mum would probably tell you I was one of those at times too. But no one told you how hard it would be to hear those words. How it feels like a kick in the teeth and ovaries at the same time. How you end up as a ball of emotions because that child who you dedicated so much of your love to has just swung a bat and shattered you into a million pieces.
Whilst I know that the words are just his way of expressing his emotions, it doesn't get any easier. I have to bite my tongue so I don't react. I take a deep breath and ask him to explain why he feels that way. I let him calm down and tell him how his words hurt me. I hug him tight and tell him that no matter how much he doesn't like me, I will always love him.
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You sign up for the job of caring and loving someone for their entire lives. These little humans that you are responsible for teaching and nurturing. I can't claim to be an Oscar winner in the parenting category, but for every I hate you it pushes me to be a better parent. Pushes me to love him more and reminds me that we are all just huge balls of emotion that no one will ever fully understand.
No comments