Papa Palaver: Bathroom Bail Out
Basically, I've decided I want to play to my strengths and give myself a chance to tell stories and give you a little chuckle for the weekend. These are stories of parenthood that would be, typical and awkward shall we say.
(Some events in this story are true...but I'm not saying which)
...Okay, here's the plan: Stop at best friends, drop off borrowed DVD's, ask to let both me and two year old son to quickly use the loo, let son damage a piece of furniture...standard and leave.
Right, major issue, after knocking long enough I realise best friend is out. No one in the shared house is in, DVDs won't fit in letterbox and still very much need to use the loo. No matter, plan B: drive to nearest public loo, help son use loo (it's tough enough he's toilet shy, I have NO nappies available. It's like having a live grenade with you...one full of piss and poo), return to house and leave note for friend.
Next major set back, pen but no paper so no way of warning housemates DVDs are dropped off before getting crushed under their feet...or pinched. Realised there isn't a public loo for miles and the most massive of all red alerts, toilet shy toddlers states 'I need a poo'.
Current situation: Taking out pushchair with OVERLY SQUEAKY WHEELS (I'll find that oil I have as soon as I'm done with all this), sit fighting son into seat without using previous knowledge that tickling him helps seat him, dash to the only place I can think that has a loo...University. Thank goodness it's walkable, but under such pressure it's a sprint. Cut traffic to cross road, barge bumbling students out of way, apologise to Max for their bad language and making up that 'Bastard' is a silly biscuit and dash to the only toilets suitable for both of us to use...the toilets by the on site Nursery.
Made it. In the toilet, both in time. Son doesn't poo, just does a number one...typical liar. Spend the time shushing him and explaining that we're not purchasing a packet of silly bastards from the supermarket and now it's dad's turn to use loo.
Then disaster strikes, inquisitive son unlocks toilet and walks out of room. Toilet cut short and dash to grab son, find myself pants round ankles and chasing my son whilst saying 'come back Son, I'm nearly finished'. Manage to sneak back in and complete previous task. Speed out of nursery head down as MANY concerned eyes follow me out of the building. To avoid any potential problems, I dash back, not that the bloody squeaky wheels give my getaway route away at all.
Finally, return to car, put away the death mobile (pushchair) and prepare to leave. As I leave, best friend pops out of front door to say hello. Turns out that best friends housemate was in the whole time but didn't answer as they were too indulged in first series of Breaking Bad (avoid spoiling story out of spite because I'm too nice, although inside I'm furious).
DVDs are handed over, we jump into car knowing we have plenty of time before having to pick mother up from work. I look back at son, he smiles at me. We realise that we have had a mad adventure, but I'm more than proud that current potty training adventures are proving to show great progress. Sudden squelch catches my attention before I step on the clutch and I look down. Oil for squeaky wheels has spilt everywhere...papa wants his beer tonight.
Hope you enjoy this post. I shall continue with Papa Palavers if requested.
Parenting Tip: Veggie Sneaking
I was introduced this idea when I set up my now defunct website 'Dads Base'. A user found ways to sneak different vegetables into meals to trick kids into eating healthy. Things included spiked mash potato (with carrots). vegetables tucked into homemade pizzas with meat on them and juice used replace squash.
Go ahead, try a few of these yourselves and even share your secrets with others. I'm a firm believer in veggie sneaking and I urge parents everywhere to join the fun.
Have yourselves a great weekend.
Basically, I've decided I want to play to my strengths and give myself a chance to tell stories and give you a little chuckle for the weekend. These are stories of parenthood that would be, typical and awkward shall we say.
(Some events in this story are true...but I'm not saying which)
...Okay, here's the plan: Stop at best friends, drop off borrowed DVD's, ask to let both me and two year old son to quickly use the loo, let son damage a piece of furniture...standard and leave.
Right, major issue, after knocking long enough I realise best friend is out. No one in the shared house is in, DVDs won't fit in letterbox and still very much need to use the loo. No matter, plan B: drive to nearest public loo, help son use loo (it's tough enough he's toilet shy, I have NO nappies available. It's like having a live grenade with you...one full of piss and poo), return to house and leave note for friend.
Next major set back, pen but no paper so no way of warning housemates DVDs are dropped off before getting crushed under their feet...or pinched. Realised there isn't a public loo for miles and the most massive of all red alerts, toilet shy toddlers states 'I need a poo'.
Current situation: Taking out pushchair with OVERLY SQUEAKY WHEELS (I'll find that oil I have as soon as I'm done with all this), sit fighting son into seat without using previous knowledge that tickling him helps seat him, dash to the only place I can think that has a loo...University. Thank goodness it's walkable, but under such pressure it's a sprint. Cut traffic to cross road, barge bumbling students out of way, apologise to Max for their bad language and making up that 'Bastard' is a silly biscuit and dash to the only toilets suitable for both of us to use...the toilets by the on site Nursery.
Made it. In the toilet, both in time. Son doesn't poo, just does a number one...typical liar. Spend the time shushing him and explaining that we're not purchasing a packet of silly bastards from the supermarket and now it's dad's turn to use loo.
Then disaster strikes, inquisitive son unlocks toilet and walks out of room. Toilet cut short and dash to grab son, find myself pants round ankles and chasing my son whilst saying 'come back Son, I'm nearly finished'. Manage to sneak back in and complete previous task. Speed out of nursery head down as MANY concerned eyes follow me out of the building. To avoid any potential problems, I dash back, not that the bloody squeaky wheels give my getaway route away at all.
Finally, return to car, put away the death mobile (pushchair) and prepare to leave. As I leave, best friend pops out of front door to say hello. Turns out that best friends housemate was in the whole time but didn't answer as they were too indulged in first series of Breaking Bad (avoid spoiling story out of spite because I'm too nice, although inside I'm furious).
DVDs are handed over, we jump into car knowing we have plenty of time before having to pick mother up from work. I look back at son, he smiles at me. We realise that we have had a mad adventure, but I'm more than proud that current potty training adventures are proving to show great progress. Sudden squelch catches my attention before I step on the clutch and I look down. Oil for squeaky wheels has spilt everywhere...papa wants his beer tonight.
Hope you enjoy this post. I shall continue with Papa Palavers if requested.
Parenting Tip: Veggie Sneaking
I was introduced this idea when I set up my now defunct website 'Dads Base'. A user found ways to sneak different vegetables into meals to trick kids into eating healthy. Things included spiked mash potato (with carrots). vegetables tucked into homemade pizzas with meat on them and juice used replace squash.
Go ahead, try a few of these yourselves and even share your secrets with others. I'm a firm believer in veggie sneaking and I urge parents everywhere to join the fun.
Have yourselves a great weekend.
No comments