Hi FriDadders.

Couldn't be happier than to indulge in a few moments of Fri Dad today. One thing I'm glad about is that I don't have to deal with one more nursery rhyme while I work. They're ringing in my ear.
I've been pushed towards sleepless nights where I can't escape them. I know Max is 3, but it's all part of his learning.
So as a chance to express my distaste for them. Let me tell you why I think nursery rhymes are messed up:

1) The Grand Old Duke of York.

What the hell is this guy doing? Get this clueless prick a sat nav. A man who is in complete disarray and 10,000 military trained troops all mislead. I'm not sure about you, but this is the worst crowd to piss off, what with guns and swords and stuff. Think it through Yorkie!

2) Sing a song of sixpence

Live birds cooked in a pie? Are you high?
That was considered a recipe fit for a king. What does it taste like? Treason and sure execution me'thinks.
Also, what thicko of a chef bakes live birds in a pie or is so oblivious that he couldn't hear the birds signing even before putting them in the ruddy pie.

3) Incy Wincy Spider

Now technically, this story does not anger me. It's a metaphor for persistence and overcoming your greatest set back.
What does rile me is the idle twit who sat and watched this all go on. For goodness sake help the poor spider.

4) Wee Willy Winky

Despite having perhaps the funniest nursery rhyme title, it really does express a serious lack of discipline in that poor boy.

And finally...

5) Peter Piper

As well as inheriting health issues for sitting and eat a ton pickles, poor Peter died alone as his stinky breath earned him no swag points to make those gals thirsty.

Well now I got that off my chest, I feel a little better. Feel free to participate in your own original spins on nursery rhymes. Until next week have a funky Mother's Day.

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