The festivities are becoming commonplace around us all. I suppose you believe I am in full festive mode...you'd be wrong. I'm not a Scrooge, but I'm certainly not a nutter for the holiday. I have work, more work, interviews, no time to do work, a child who's chosen to throw teenage strops, no money and no patience. Being a parent through the festive period is clearly tougher and less joyous than being a child. We now see the strings to the ever extravagant puppet display that is Christmas...or perhaps you don't celebrate, which is a darn sight cheaper.

So to sour the sweet sound of holiday cheer, I have compiled my miserable, jaded ode to parenting through Christmas. It's my '12 days of Christmas' parody featuring Paul Potts and Skrillex. Enjoy and feel free to sing this to yourselves as the realisation of the holiday stress mounts:

On the first day of Christmas my child gave to me, a headache from singing carols WRONG!

On the second day of Christmas my child gave to me, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG!

On the third day of Christmas my child gave to me, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG!

On the fourth day of Christmas my child gave to me, four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG!

On the fifth day of Christmas my child gave to me, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG!

On the sixth day of Christmas my child gave to me, six shitty nappies (I apologise in advanced for the expletive), FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG! 

On the seventh day of Christmas my child gave to me, seven spoilt dinners, six shitty nappies, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG! 

On the eighth day of Christmas my child gave to me, eight mounds of washing, seven spoilt dinners, six shitty nappies, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG! 

On the ninth day of Christmas my child gave to me, nine nightmares of siblings, eight mounds of washing, spoilt dinners, six shitty nappies, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG! 

On the tenth day of Christmas my child gave to me, ten trips to Toy Shops, nine nightmares of siblings, eight mounds of washing, seven spoilt dinners, six shitty nappies, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG! 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my child gave to me, eleven pee'd on presents, ten trips to Toy Shops, nine nightmares of siblings, eight mounds of washing, seven spoilt dinners, six shitty nappies, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a headache from singing carols WRONG! 

...get ready for the mash up...

On the twelfth day of Christmas my child gave to me, twelve trashed treasures, eleven pee'd on presents, ten trips to Toy Shops, nine nightmares of siblings, eight mounds of washing, seven spoilt dinners, six shitty nappies, FIVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! four common colds, three tantrums, two tired eyes and a heavy dose of parent reality!

Hope you liked it, hope someone records this with Paul Potts and Skrillex to go viral and hopefully get it to Number 1 instead of Cliff Richard or X Factor or worse...BOTH!. The money for downloads can go towards all the booze parents need to help them make it through.

There you go, not your usual FriDad post. Truth is I am quite happy, but it's fun to revel in the stress we go through. I shall be keeping it easy through the holidays as I have writing to get back to loving. Until next week, have a great weekend.